ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
