You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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