the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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