Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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