I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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