I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
