I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
