i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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