Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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