If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
