Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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