idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
