IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
