what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
