when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
