Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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