You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
