spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
