Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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