I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
