If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
