Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
