remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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