After last night, I could never be a politician.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
