I must be too annoying 4 u.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
