Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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