tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
