i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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