i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
