she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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