I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
