I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your tits are I can't wait for
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
