so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
