I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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