We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Drake has all the answers
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
