I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
