Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
