Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
