Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
