I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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