He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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