He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
