your parents love me but you hate me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize