She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
