i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
