I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
