capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
