Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
