Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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