On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
