I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They have beer where we have blood.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
