I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
