my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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