i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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