Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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