So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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