I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
