Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Randomize
