so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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