***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
