I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
