Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
