i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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