i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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