census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
