I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
