i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
