...so i touched it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
