Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
