did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
