I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
